Cheryl Gregory – From Rudderless to Resilient

My Story

“It’s not me” … the most powerful statement an abuse victim needs to understand and believe.

My name is Cheryl Gregory a thriving narcissistic, and spousal abuse survivor. This is something very few people know about me … and was difficult for me to acknowledge … much less know what to do about it.

I was born into a family with a narcissistic father, and kept finding myself in the company of, or attracting, people into my life with similar behaviours … the relentless verbal attacks, stonewalling, guilt-tripping, tormenting, gaslighting, manipulation, guilt-tripping literally change who you are. Sound familiar? You put the “face” on that tells everyone you’re OK … but you’re not. These cyclical patterns of abuse are signposts of what we  refer to today as CPTSD. Growing up, that term didn’t even exist.

In one relationship I had, again with a narcissist, we had a disagreement that rapidly caused him to attack and choke me. Fortunately my training in martial arts ended that. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Interestingly, when I told my father what happened, there was no reaction… He didn’t look at me; he didn’t respond at all. It was as if I wasn’t even there.

When someone did come into my life that was the real deal, offering me authentic love, I didn’t recognize it, and rejected them, returning back to the “familiar chaos” I was conditioned to. This describes a trauma bond.

Later in life, I found solutions on my own that helped me heal, including the many triggers I learned as defence mechanisms. But it took MANY years of reading, webinars, learning and practice. I had to figure out who I was and what my values were. I realized I had to connect with myself first before I could connect with the rest of the world. That’s why I use the tagline Master the Art of Human Connection.  

I believe you need to go inside yourself first to figure out who you really are, and what drives you, instead of looking externally for someone or something else to fix you. 

I did the work to figure out the triggers related to the negative emotions experienced in childhood and why they were having such a negative impact on my work and personal life. That paved the way for me to take the steps I needed to heal.

I finally learned to believe “It’s NOT me”.  I wasn’t the one causing all the problems in the world. It was the behaviour of my father that turned everything around to make it look that way, while he walked around totally innocent. Now, I’m not perfect, but at least now I know what I can truly be held accountable and responsible for.